Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
