I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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