I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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