why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
