hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
