there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
