you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is the high leading the old right now
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
