You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
