i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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