Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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