Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
