Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
