Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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