Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All I want is dick and wine.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
