Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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