a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
