no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
