After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
