shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
