the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
