Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
