i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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