the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
