Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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