better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
