The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I could fuck to npr.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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