That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
