I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
