Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Everything about him screamed your future.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Come on in and take your pants off
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