I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
