I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
