then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
