let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
