good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
