I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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