Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
