Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
