yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
