sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
