me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
