That's intense
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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