please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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