You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I would ride that face into the sunset
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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