Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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