Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
