I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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