He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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