I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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