Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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