You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
