You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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